updatez

Heyyy there.
I've been too crazy busy the last two week to want to sit and write on my blog and censor everything that I've been going through. I barely have time and the internet is too shoddy to keep up on my favourite blogs and leave comments for my friends so I'm sorry about that. They even have a website blocker so half of the pictures that are in Google reader don't show up. Grr. So with only two solid hours of break time a day to myself there were other ways I prefered to spend my time. Part of my time was spent either by the pool with Brittany (Newfies workin on our tans!), taking advantage of my laundry days, contacting  the "E-Verify" people about my messed up paperwork (I was unidentified and a tentative non-confirmed employee something or other. Glad to report it has been resolved and I won't be deported, but I couldn't get paid this week. Boo!), and sleeeeeeeeping. Seems I can never get enough sleep. It's been an exhausting two weeks in every way.

Oh hey, here's my co-counsellor Shamekia (Sha-mee-kah). She's a blast to work with. I got to know her a bit last year when she worked as a dining room girl and was assigned to help me and Nikki out in the nighttime. She was the absolute best so I was excited that we were put together this year. We had a couple of switches with our third counsellor, so I don't yet have a picture of Amanda that I can post!

Despite how tiring it is, I love how at camp you're here to impact the kids, but in the end it's them who impact us. I had the privilege of meeting a girl named Amber during youth camp the first week. She was in my Bible/Leadership Class group and had that dyed red hair, dark punk kind of style. She was about 15 or 16. In one of the classes we were learning about how to write out and talk about our testimonies. Everyone got a chance to think about what experiences God has used in our lives to shape our faith in him and a few of them, if they wanted to, could share what they had written on their papers out to the rest of the group. Amber was one of these people. She shared that she felt very neglected as a kid and a teenager. Her mom would spend time with her boyfriend and she didn't feel loved. She was going through so much pain that she started cutting at the age of 12. Last year a fight with her mom caused her to grab her blade and run to the woods. She usually wore long sleeved sweaters to hide the marks but that night her friend made her pull away the sleeves to show her mother, exposing the crimson running down her arms. She was rushed to the hospital and they found that she had cut so deep that she had hit a vein. She had lost a lot of blood, to the point of near death. Her best friend's mom (a Salvation Army officer) came to the hospital and talked to her about how Jesus understands the pain she was going through; that she was loved and that she shouldn't be ashamed of the scars that she has. She finally started the healing process and she's been cut-free since November 2009.

Our group leader asked if she would share her testimony in the Friday night worship service and she agreed. When she got up there I could tell she was nervous as she read her story from the page. Tears were filling my eyes as she spoke. Even now as I'm writing this I want to cry thinking of how much hurt she went through before realizing the love the Father has for her. I felt so proud of her for getting up there.

After the service I caught up to her as we were all walking back to our cabins and I told her how proud I was of her and that she should proud of her scars, not afraid or ashamed. Amber shared a little more about the story with me, that she had been going to the youth group for so long and no one really knew what she was going through. She never told anyone her pain but she would sometimes sing songs that hinted at her inner pain and loneliness. A silent cry for help. Here at camp was the first time she had really talked about her struggles and she felt good about it.  She wants to help other kids going through the same ordeal.

Most of the kids that come here deal with so many real issues-- deep emotional pain that we aren't aware of. One kid was so upset this week when a counselor told her she couldn't do something and she sat down, grabbed two rocks and started digging and scraping into the tops of her legs. Pain is so real for them that they hurt themselves. It makes you feel so helpless because you want to offer them real help beyond just a week of fun at camp. It distracted me momentarily from my own emotional bruises that I was dealing with. I'm afraid of the moments where I am self absorbed. I want to keep my eyes open for the hurts of others, the hurts of these kids and keep my energy up to show them love and attention that they don't always get at home. As much of a handful a child may be and how ready I am for a new week, I need to realize what situations we might be sending them back home to.  

Oops, I didn't mean for this to be so heavy! It's just on my heart to pray for these kids. I may face some tough times but these kids give me a renewed perspective that what I'm going through, and what I've gone through hasn't been so bad. I've been fortunate in a lot of aspects of my life and I know a God who heals. We shouldn't dwell on the past because we can be made new.

On a lighter note, the randomness of kids really can brighten up a bad day. At canteen one night this week, a girl that I had not yet spoken to ran up to me and told me to follow her because she had something super cool that I had to see. She grabbed my hand and lead me through the sea of children drinking slushies on the canteen deck and she pointed to a corner where the light from the next room was shining through. A big and perfect spider web hung there, perfectly illuminated. She was in awe and was so excited that she had called me over to see it. It was one of those moments that caught me off guard and reminded me of the joys of simple beauty and a child's innocence.

Also reminding me of childhood goodness, Chandler and I went to see Toy Story 3 last night and I loved it! So funny, as expected, and it even made me cry! I was trying to hold back tears at some points. Gollyyyy!

That word, golly reminds me: I called my Mom this week to wish her a happy birthday and as we were talking she told me that I was starting to sound a little southern. Uh oh! It's finally happened. You know, this being my 4th summer here and all. She said I was saying my vowels a little differently. Oh well. I guess it's inevitable when you talk to a southern boy just about every day.

Hope everyone's week has been good. Chandler left for Florida this morning with his band for a show tonight, and will be getting back in the morning. I'm looking forward to getting my hair done this afternoon, catching up on my photo editing, blogs and other reading tonight, and simply relaxing in Charlotte for the rest of the weekend.
Ciao!