how south korea changed me - food culture

Raw Beef Bibimbap in the city of Jeonju, where this dish is most famous.

Last week marked one year since moving home from South Korea. Hard to believe, but here we are. I thought it would be fun to reflect on the ways that living there influenced my interests and habits and how they continue to influence me today. This post might get a little lengthy as it serves to be informative and also log of some of my memories and learning experiences.

There are many wonderful traditions within Korean culture and the ones that affected me the most involved food! It's an inescapable part of daily life. You would like to think it's treated the same everywhere you go. Get your meal and eat it. Simple!

I was so, so wrong.

I spent much of my time observing and asking questions so that I wouldn't inadvertently offend someone in general but most especially around the table! I went there to teach, but always felt like a student. Thankfully I had many helpful friends, co-workers, students and strangers to fill me in.

Utensils

My very first experience fittingly happened while in flight towards the Land of Kimchi before I even entered the country. On the long 11-hour journey we were given a mid-flight snack between our meals, which was a cup of ramen noodles. I was certainly no stranger to those! Yaaas. When the stewardess handed me my noodles, however, she also handed me a set of chopsticks. Hmm, now these were a different story. I think I stared dumbly at them for a second. The situation was laughable. I mean, Of COURSE they gave me chopsticks. How had this never crossed my mind? It was soon quite obvious to anyone else paying attention that I had never used chopsticks in my entire life. It felt like the whole plane knew! The sweet, sympathetic Korean lady next to me watched me struggle for a minute and then showed me how to grasp the two sticks together and swirl the noodles enough to get them out of the cup. It wasn't the right way but it worked! Kindness of strangers goes a long way. It was agonizing that I couldn't speak enough of the language to properly thank her!

That was only the beginning of my chopstick journey. For the next four to six months of my life meal time was a struggle. But I was determined. I was secretly challenging myself to not be that foreigner girl who asks for a fork at a Korean restaurant. My co-teachers often offered to ask for one for me at our weekly lunches but I persevered. (It's pronounced as "por-kuh" FYI.) It definitely took me longer to eat my meal, but eventually I saw improvement! My hand stopped cramping half-way through the meal and I even enjoyed using them!

Even now still try to use chopsticks at home when I think of it. Why lose such a hard-won skill?  It feels familiar now. Is it wrong that I'm a bit proud of myself?

Acquiring the Taste

In hindsight I realize how ill-prepared I was for life in Korea. Not just with chopsticks or the etiquette that I'll talk about later, but I don't recall ever tasting any true Korean cuisine before going! It sure would be a long trip if I didn't like it! I'd seen pictures and was eager to try it. I had watched a cooking segment on TV detailing how to make kimchi, spicy pickled cabbage, and how it was an absolute staple food. I had bought all of the necessary ingredients for it, but my job approval progressed much sooner than expected so I didn't get the chance to finish my "project."

To this day I haven't made kimchi at home. Probably for the best as it's quite pungent. It has an acquired taste that I quickly came to enjoy. (I'm pretty eager to try foods with health benefits anyway, and there was no shortage of them in Korea.) I was surprised to learn that many of my Korean students don't like kimchi. I didn't normally go for spicy food pre-Korea, but my tolerance definitely budged a notch or two. I've learned that there are some kinds of spice I can handle and others I can't as much as I try. I will never enjoy eating Korean Fire Noodles and I've made my peace with that fact. If pain had a taste, that would be it.

Since coming home I've bought kimchi a couple of times at the Asian grocery store because I actually miss it. Kimchi grilled cheese sandwiches? Hello! Tasty, tangy, tangible nostalgia.

Becoming Brave

I became much more adventurous with trying food and while I'd like to say it was out of pure curiosity, that's not entirely the case. Some of the food I tried was because I didn't want to let down the earnest Koreans awaiting my reaction! They loved watching foreigners enjoy their food. If they weren't there explaining what it was or how to eat it, chances are I would have been more hesitant. And to my surprise? I enjoyed it! Okay, maybe not the super spicy stuff. The only truly bad physical reactions I ever had was after eating cheap pizza. Yes, I'm looking at you, Pizza School and your terrible plastic cheese!

Fresh grilled oysters and oyster pajeon in Dolsan.

Despite being a fisherman's daughter, I didn't eat a variety of seafood. Cod and crab were my main loves and that was always enough. Living in Yeosu, a seaside city, forced me to eat a LOT more of it and in a bunch of different ways. I gave mussels another chance in a spicy soup called jjamppong, and also tried live octopus (yep, raw and wiggling). Dried squid was offered as appetizers, oysters were grilled in the table in front of you and made into savory pancakes, and small, fermented clams and crab were common side dishes.

The most adventurous thing I ate was chicken feet, which surprisingly I didn't love not because of what they were, but more for the intense spice factor. I tried it on a few occasions but that didn't change. Oh, and "bundaegi," your friendly neighborhood snail pupae. One taste of that was enough.

I Miss It ALL

I miss ALL the food. I swear half the incentive to learn the Korean language was just to know what to order at a restaurant! I learned how to read a menu before I could say a full sentence. There was SO much to try and so many unique flavours.

I have too many favourites to name but there were some stand outs that are worth noting: bibimbap was always a favourite made of rice and an endless variety of vegetables; jjimdak, a stew of chicken, veg, and glass noodles; haemul samhap, three kinds of seafood and meat all fried together with a spicy sauce; Chuncheon style dak galbi, spicy stir-fried chicken with veg, rice cake and cheese; japchae, stir-fried glass noodles and veg; pajeon, korean savory pancake that's perfect rainy weather food...I could go on but this is already going to be a long post.

Eating pajeon and sujebi with Yuri in Samcheondong, Seoul

I miss Korean BBQ. It's one of the first things people think of when they think of Korean food. It always smelled SO good and the experience of cooking your food on a grill built into the table in front of you was always fun. Or, watching someone else do it for me because I burn things. It was especially nice on cold days because the warm coals close to your lap was as comforting as sitting around a campfire. I liked samgyeopsal (grilled pork belly) but not the pain in the stomach I got afterwards; muksal or beef were better.

My first taste of beautiful street food in Gwangju: the glorious Tornado Potato.

Street food deserves a post all on its own. If you got hungry while doing some sightseeing or shopping, there were always small vendors close by to grab a quick snack. Tornado Potatoes and Fish bread were hard to resist.

There was no shortage of soups. I miss ALL of them! Sujebi, made with fresh hand-torn noodles; dwenjang jiggae, made with soybean paste and tofu; kongnamul gukbap, spicy broth with lots of soybean sprouts, ttukbaegi-bulgogi, sweet, marinated beef in a hot stone pot; kimchi jiggae, spicy kimchi soup; kalguksu, had lots of seafood and noodles; shabu-shabu style was always fun.

 I still crave this meal: sogogi-gukbap and naeng-myeon in Eulgi-ro, Seoul 

(spicy beef soup with rice, and cold noodles; also with boiled pork and radish kimchi side dishes)

There was crab soup that I unfortunately forget the name of; a fish soup at the beach that stared back at me; dakhanmari, a chicken soup; samgyetang, delicious oriental ginseng chicken soup. I even tried a thick, smelly, fermented bean soup that was "good for health." You might try a soup multiple times but depending on the restaurant or the region, the broth might be sweeter or saltier! Food education easily became a favourite activity. At this point I'm wondering, did I even do anything else?!

The tasty crab soup I had on the way to Gokseong.

I ate gimbap once or twice a week on average. My favourite kind was from 김선생 (Kim SeonSaeng/Teacher Kim) because portions were big and ingredients healthier, but there were plenty of places around. They make it in a pinch and even though they made it look simple, I struggled when I tried!

You know how we usually bring sandwiches on a picnic or outing? Well gimbap is the typical Korean picnic food. Really convenient!

Some homemade gimbap shared while on a hike 

with the Yeosu Environmental Group. 

Etiquette

I mentioned earlier that there were traditions around eating a meal in Korea. I was constantly learning what to do and what not to do. Here are some of the habits I learned. At first it seemed overwhelming, but I ended up enjoying it. It showed respect for them and their culture and it felt nice taking care of the people around me. They always appreciated the effort.

First thing to know is that your age (and status) is taken into account for many social gatherings and there is a hierarchy of respect which may seem unusual, but it is a cultural norm. I know I personally have respect for my boss and my elders, but Koreans have physical and verbal ways to show it in everyday interaction. Of course there are exceptions to each scenario, such as when you are out with friends, but these are some situations and expectations you may encounter.

All you can eat Korean BBQ around a cozy table in January. Perfect cold weather food!

While waiting for the food to come out, if you are the youngest, generally you will pass out the utensils that are in a box on the table or a drawer on the side of it. You can also go ahead and fill water glasses from the jug on the table, or a water dispenser in the restaurant. You also have the task of grilling the meat if that is the kind of food you ordered.

It is polite to say "Jalmukesumnida" before eating to say you look forward to and are thankful for the meal. It literally means "I will eat well." Even if you don't say it, you'll certainly overhear it from your colleagues. Wash your hands with the cloth provided at the table before starting the meal. Pace yourself while eating together. Don't eat too fast and don't eat too slow. I was always guilty of eating too slow (Thanks, Chopsticks!)

Dakhanmari, a comforting chicken soup. Somewhere in Seoul.

Usually the oldest or most highly ranked person (like your boss) at the table commences the meal or gives everyone the go ahead to begin eating, so it is polite to wait to eat until then. Watch and see what everyone else does. You also try and offer to pour this person's drink first, or serve them their food first as well.

When you pour theirs or anyone else's drink you must use both hands. Either hold the jug with both hands, or pour with your right hand and support your arm by holding it with your left. Trust me, they will notice if you don't although they'll forgive you because you are a foreigner!

Never let someone pour their own drink and always allow someone to pour yours. There are some fun superstitions surrounding that, like you'll be single forever if you pour your own drink. Something dramatic like that! But, hey, I need all the help I can get, right? I'll let someone pour my drink if that's what it takes to combat singledom.

After all the drinks are poured you might clink glasses and say, "cheers!" with everyone. Everyone will shout "Jahn!" or "Geonbae!" Make sure that as you clink to hold the glass in your right hand and support with the left if you can, again, depending on who you're with.

I remember early on at a dinner with my boss and co-teachers when we were going to clink our glasses. I had finally positioned my chopsticks perfectly in my right hand so I didn't want to put them down. I grabbed my cup with my left hand to do the cheers and surprise! my boss kindly called me out on it. It wasn't a big deal but I knew it was a faux-pas and felt a bit sheepish for being "caught" with bad manners. So guys, put down the darn chopsticks (on the side of the plate, not in your rice bowl) and don't use your left hands you guys!

Side note, at that same meal it also intrigued me to notice that a male friend who had joined us at the meal was sweating buckets being near our boss. The conversation seemed relaxed and somewhat comfortable in my mind, but he was not at ease. He was afraid to even eat! I definitely observed a certain amount of "stress to impress" your elders there. I'm not sure if it was just him, or if it is universally that hard.  I don't know if I'll ever adjust to just how important hierarchy is to their culture. I can never fully understand it.

Social Norms

Here is a random assortment of observations and considerations while in South Korea!

🔸Get used to eating while sitting on the floor. Personally I thought this was really cozy. Take off your shoes, sit on a little pillow and in winter feel the nice "ondol" floor heating come through. If you have bad knees, don't worry, not every restaurant is like this. Many might not have it at all and others may offer both!

Shabu Shabu (hot pot) all set up and ready to go. We ate here so often in Yeosu. Also, floor seating and heating.

🔸Don't be surprised to see everyone double dipping into a soup dish! Eating dinner is a social event and sharing food is pretty much expected. Many restaurants cater to this concept. Portions are often huge and we would order three or four things between 5 or 6 of us to share. You can also serve yourself into your own separate dish if it's available. I got used to it and found it relaxed the atmosphere. Germs? What germs?!

🔸On that note, going out to eat was a curious thing: you almost never saw other Koreans eating alone at cafes or restaurants. Part of that could be because Koreans are more likely to socialize outside rather than within their small apartments.

Even though I don't mind eating alone or exploring alone, it was because of this that I was definitely more aware of being solo while in Korea. I felt slightly more self-conscious, but never let it stop me too much.

I had some nice experiences thanks to going to coffee shops alone. I made a couple of friends because they approached me to "learn English" (lol) and two older ladies asked to join my table when it became crowded. I was feeling guilty anyway that I was taking up a four-seat section to myself at a spot called "A Twosome Place!" They chatted and kindly shared their mango shaved ice dessert with me. They might have urged me to eat half of it, in fact.

I've heard from the vloggers, 2Hearts1Seoul that there has been a shift in this trend. There are some restaurants designed for those who want eat solo now! It's called "honbap." The portion sizes are appropriate for people like me!

This is so important because I recall a conversation with a friend who was also on a tour of Jeju Island. (aka the Hawaii of Korea, if that helps you visualize! Dreamy.) He told me how he had wanted to eat a meal at a famous raw seafood restaurant but none of his group would join him. He decided to go anyway and when he got there he found that the smallest portion available was for two people. He asked if he could just have half of the normal portion size, but they said no, that that was the smallest they offered. His Korean skills were fairly excellent so I'm sure it wasn't a misunderstanding! So he stuffed himself as much as he could because he had to pay for two people just to enjoy a meal there! I don't know if the new trend will influence the older establishments to adjust their portions, but it's great to know that more options exist now.

🔸When you go out to eat with a group of people, the concept of "going dutch" isn't a thing there. Typically the eldest person pays, like your boss, or whoever invited the others out. Either way, one person pays for everything and its kind of assumed that another person will get the bill next time. Or give that impression anyway.

Or, if you go out to multiple places in one evening which is very common (First round, second round etc. woo restaurant hopping!), one person pays at one place, another one pays at the next and so on. That's how we did it on an evening out with my co-workers. But if you're with other foreigners, you can obviously do it however you like. The bill is often brought out with the food so its better to split the bill yourselves at the table and bring that money up to the cashier. It's kind of a pain on the restaurant staff to split up the bill for you since its just not commonly done. It's good to be aware of all of these things and be considerate! Don't take advantage of everyone always taking care of you. Pay it forward (if they let you)!

🔸I really miss how the restaurants have a little doorbell built into the table or wall. If you need a waitress you just push the button. It's a perfect solution. Not to be so impersonal, but this means no hovering staff around your table filling your glass every 5 minutes. It also means no looking around forever trying to catch the eye of one when you actually do need something. If there's no button, you just have to call out "Yogiyo" or "Chogiyo" to get their attention! Yelling out across a restaurant is totally normal!

🔸One thing I'm torn about is how you can't easily give tips. Tips are NOT considered normal and they may go out of their way to give back the tip like it was a mistake. I may have saved a lot of money by not giving tips, but it felt strange not rewarding incredible service. I gave my nail tech an extra dollar as a tip one day (which felt like nothing) but she was so, so thankful for it. She said it was her very first tip!

"Geonbae!" -Cheers in Korean. With Yuri and Nikki in Jeonju.

As you can see there are so many traditions and customs surrounding the food culture in South Korea. They almost seem endless, don't they? Kind of like this post, haha. Believe it or not, I didn't go in depth and this certainly isn't an exhaustive list of social norms. I didn't even include all of my favourite Korean dishes. My mind was opened to so many new tastes. I realize many of the descriptions may not have sounded all that appealing. Soybean paste? Fermented things? Trust me, its so good to give it a chance and you may find that you like it.

In any case, my goal for this post was to open your mind, too! There's a lot to learn even within a simple meal and it's so important to embrace the norms in the place that you live or visit. It goes a long way in your own enjoyment of the country and in the relationships you nurture there. My experience is still limited but I really enjoyed learning these customs and the comradery within them. Geonbae!