I turned 24 this week. At this point, every year older feels odd. As in, I don't feel as though I've achieved what I once thought that age should feel like. I've punched another year out of life, and while I've given up a few dreams and learned a lot of
unbelievably rough lessons this past year, its as though I'm standing in the same old place wondering what to do next. I feel as though I'm in an epic battle against the backwards pull of desiring the simple, forgivable immaturity of being an adolescent, to face the complicated adult decisions that lay before me to be made. It's good verses evil, and both spectrums are the enemy! 24 sounds grown up, but I don't believe that I fill those shoes yet. But maybe what I'm looking to feel doesn't actually exist for anyone. We keep moving and narrowing down what we want out of life, hoping to get it right. I try to remind myself that I'm not the only one who doesn't have it figured out.
I do know a few things that I want more than anything: To recognize what brings me fulfillment and go for it; I want to be strong and brave; I want to be free to trust again; I want to
forgive; I want to be a person of integrity; I want to embrace the passions I laid aside this year. I pray that this will be a year of complete healing. I need it to be a year of growth.
So tell me, is that too much to anticipate within 365 days?
I think that even though our lives are very different, we are at the exact same point in them. and feel exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like I should be allowed to be 24 yet.
That's reassuring to hear, Sarah. :)
ReplyDeleteSomeone needs to freeze time so we can catch up and feel ready to be this old.