Every time before I'm about to set off on another trip I have a moment where I think to myself, "No, let's turn around and forget all about this silly idea. Why am I doing this again?"
It's a mixture of excitement fully disguised by the fear of the unknown and the impending and inevitable travel stress. This moment usually hits me on the way to the airport where I am exhausted from packing decisions and finally sitting still, looking around the car at my family--a family who hate for me to go, yet are still the ones waking up at 3am to drive me to the airport anyway.
This morning I was on the way to the airport to start the first leg of my journey to South Korea. My sister, Elizabeth came along for the ride with my parents and not long into it, she reached across the seat and held my hand. She doesn't know it but that was it; she set a sting in my eyes and an ache in my heart for leaving, silently asked a question of why I would even entertain the thought of it.
I got a second chance, in a way. On the way to the airport we discovered a little too late to turn back that my flight seemed to be delayed. I got there, checked in at the self help kiosk and there it was; instead of a 7am departure, it was a 12:50pm one instead, one that would make me miss my connecting flight to Korea. After a literal two hour conversation on the phone in my stressed, sleep deprived state (because I had hoped to be half way to Toronto and fully unconscious at that point), the kind agent worked out the option of rebooking my flight for tomorrow morning, leaving at 5am, stopping in Montreal, Vancouver and on the Seoul. Not as ideal as my original flight plan but doable, and still with a few kinks as it is the weekend and I'm hoping that somebody on the receiving end will get my messages that I will not be arriving on time after all; hoping that somebody will actually be there when I land in Korea to take me to the bus station and tell me where the heck I'm going! But I am still going despite all of these extra unknowns.
Despite the setback, I am thankful for the chance to have another big homemade waffle breakfast by my momma and to sit with family, thankful for extra sleep that may hopefully make my fight with jet lag a little easier once I'm there, and thankful for more time to squeeze in a FaceTime with Robyn.
This is not how I figured my journey to teach English in South Korea would begin, but maybe somebody knew that I secretly wasn't quite ready to go yet. It was so secret that I didn't even know it. I've been working towards this goal here and there over the last six months, but actually acquiring a job and getting everything in order in the last few weeks and over Christmas has been a whirl wind.
And, because the flight wasn't officially booked until about three nights ago, it wasn't really until last night when I finished packing and in the moments on the way to the airport that I actually accepted that I was leaving. I've just been saying yes to everything, hoping it will all come together the way it needs to. I didn't feel right announcing it until I knew for certain so a lot of people won't even know that I'm going until I'm gone, but maybe that's for the best anyway. A year is a long time.
I hope to keep everyone updated once I finally arrive and get a little more settled. It's a 12 and a half hour difference from here to there which makes it pretty easy to calculate the time difference from home. So any forms of contact while I'm navigating this new thing by myself will definitely help me feel better!
Even when I have worries about what to expect in these experiences, I push myself to do it anyway. What have I got to lose in trying something new, really?
Wish me luck!
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